How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
