i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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