some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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