well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You made out with two different species that night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
