I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
