This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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