Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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