i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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