I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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