Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
