I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
