You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
