Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
