Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
