you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
