My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
