Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
