Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
