I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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