Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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