if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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