After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
