Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
