Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
