just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
