I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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