she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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