What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
