I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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