I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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