this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
