He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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