Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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