No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
