The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
