I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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