Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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