I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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