youre lurking in front of me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
