you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
