there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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