I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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