my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
