Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
