I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
