Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
