they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
