im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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