I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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