i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
