I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
