Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
