that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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